Mixed Salad of Thoughts

Monday, October 26, 2009

Yes, I really am an artist.

I had a friend over for a meeting at our apt last night and it was so funny...He looked around at all my sculpture and asked where I got it and seriously would not believe that I made it all. He just kept sputtering "but this is like...It's professional. You could...do you sell this?!"...my answer: "How much money have you got?"

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Saturday, October 24, 2009

Who me?

Not myself: That's how I've been feeling. I occasionally hear myself say things and think that I've answered out of habit...as if I were playing the role of myself without actually being myself.

Sometimes I feel I know myself pretty well, it's just I'm not always sure what to do with that info. But I've been feeling recently that "knowing" myself and "being" myself are almost contradictory--that as soon as I find a way to voice who I am I either stop wanting to be that or I feel disingenuous in being that. As if saying I'm X makes me, in social situations think I'm supposed to be X and then feel weird about being X simply because I thought I was supposed to fit the X mold.

Perhaps I should just choose some X's I would like to be and, regardless of whether I currently excel at them, should just choose to believe that I AM them. Like "I am humble, loving, generous and kind." ...and GO!

Side note: I wrote this blog in October but never posted it, and now, having recently read a post on Angelaboration where she was talking about being more herself than she's ever been I read it again and felt like posting. (Some 2.5 months later)

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Friday, October 23, 2009


I was just watching Flash Forward and one of the character's AA sponsors was encouraging him to attend "a meeting". The character had his 7 year sobriety chip but was worried about a relapse. I thought about how people attending AA meetings are urged to go regularly. They have to recall and remember why it is they don't drink and what effect drinking had on their lives on a regular basis in order to stay sober.

It struck me as interesting because this is something each of us really has to do for lots of things in our lives, just that most of us don't have recognized "support groups" to help us do so, but instead have to "bring... [ourselves]... to account each day"

What if there were rehab centers for things like gossiping, backbiting, lying, pride, materialism, etc.? What if we could go through a detox of these things and then have a means for follow-up, have weekly meetings where we recalled the negative effect these things had on our lives?

But then, is not this often the role of religion in our culture? Although my religion does not believe in confession of sins to another person, we still recognize our need to take daily inventory of our actions and ask for forgiveness for our transgressions. How do those without a delineated process or a call to action find the means and support necessary for permanent change and growth?

Just some thoughts.

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