I read this story today on the internet and really liked it. Somehow I related it to the fast I'm currently participating in. Sometimes you have to cut something out of your life completely to see the role it was playing.

TWO WOLVES
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a
battle that goes on inside people. ...He said, "My son, the battle is between
two wolves inside us all. "One is Evil - It is anger, envy,
jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt,
resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego."The
other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility,
kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and
faith."The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his
grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"The old Cherokee simply replied,
"The one you feed."

Think of how much we could grow and how much good we could do the world if we were able to fast from all that is bad. A lovely thought.

Addiction/Support

I was just watching Flash Forward and one of the character's AA sponsors was encouraging him to attend "a meeting". The character had his 7 year sobriety chip but was worried about a relapse. I thought about how people attending AA meetings are urged to go regularly. They have to recall and remember why it is they don't drink and what effect drinking had on their lives on a regular basis in order to stay sober.

It struck me as interesting because this is something each of us really has to do for lots of things in our lives, just that most of us don't have recognized "support groups" to help us do so, but instead have to "bring... [ourselves]... to account each day"

What if there were rehab centers for things like gossiping, backbiting, lying, pride, materialism, etc.? What if we could go through a detox of these things and then have a means for follow-up, have weekly meetings where we recalled the negative effect these things had on our lives?

But then, is not this often the role of religion in our culture? Although my religion does not believe in confession of sins to another person, we still recognize our need to take daily inventory of our actions and ask for forgiveness for our transgressions. How do those without a delineated process or a call to action find the means and support necessary for permanent change and growth?

Just some thoughts.

Grammar

I have always believed in using proper grammar and have had the normal cringes at the wrong uses of "their/there/they're" or "it/it's" and all of the other obvious common errors, but having just worked on my fourth Nanowrimo novel I realized how much more focused and thoughtful I am of my grammar and writing these days. I think I have crossed over some line where now I feel completely uneducated and feel that my understanding of grammar is completely inadequate. I spend time fretting over whether I should be adding commas or semi-colons, over the proper use of a term, and over the changing of tenses and point-of-view. I struggle over proper punctuation to both conform to grammar rules and allow the proper reading of dialog.

I feel like having reached this level is like that moment when you realize it [u]is[/u] more fun to dance without being thrown around the floor, like the moment that you have a wonderful dance and realize how immature all of the rest of what you have been doing seems. I am at the point where reading about participial phrases is pleasurable because I can see how this knowledge will improve my writing and my communication in general. I am looking forward to reading up on punctuation and clauses.

I am an aspiring grammar nerd.

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Amazing Post by an Female Baha'i Judge

Inspirational!
First Women: Dorothy W. Nelson
Submitted by Judge Dorothy Nelson on 6 February 2007 - 3:13pm.



It is an honor to participate in the “First Women Lawyers” series of Ms. JD. I am particularly happy to do so in the company of Professor Barbara Babcock, one of the most admired and distinguished members of our profession. She is a marvelous mentor to her female law students, many of whom I have hired as my law clerks.

Like Professor Babcock, I was the first woman faculty member of the law school that hired me-the University of Southern California. At that time (1957), I decided to insert into the curriculum something that had not been taught but was part of my deeply held beliefs. This was contrary to the advice of my friends on the faculty who advised that as the first woman on the faculty, I shouldn’t “rock the boat”. Nonetheless, I noted that everyone on the faculty appeared to accept the “adversary system” as a given and no courses or materials were offered in the field of alternative dispute resolution. As a member of the Bahá’í Faith, I believe in the process of consultation to resolve conflicts peacefully. I inserted materials on mediation, the closest thing to consultation, in my seminar on the administration of justice. One day at a faculty meeting, I overheard a faculty member say to another, just what is this thing called mediation that Dorothy is teaching in her seminar? The response was: “Oh, it’s a woman’s thing. She is trying to get everyone to love each other”. Well, it gives me the greatest pleasure to say that alternative dispute resolution (particularly mediation) is one of the hottest topics in the justice system today.

When I became the first woman dean, one of the senior faculty members called me into his office and advised me to arrive at the next faculty meeting 15 minutes late to show the faculty who was boss. Instead, I rushed home and baked 5 dozen chocolate cookies and arrived 15 minutes early to greet everyone. I also announced that we would have food at all faculty meetings henceforth. I have always found that in meetings and in crisis situations, food brings people closer together and improves communication immeasurably.

These two small examples reflect what I think is important to remember as a woman. While men and women must achieve full equality with respect to education, employment, salaries, and advancement opportunities, men and women have some distinct attributes which must be present if we are to have a just and peaceful society. In the Bahá’í Writings it is stated that men and women are like the two wings of a bird-the one is male and the other is female. Unless they are both strong the bird cannot fly heavenwards. However, you cannot take the left wing of a bird and put it in the right socket. The wings although equal have different qualities.

Why are so many women opting out of the legal profession? One answer may be that women have tried to conform to a male model which values long hours and neglect of family in pursuit of material wealth. One of my favorite stories is that of one of my first woman clerks. She was brilliant, highly motivated, a superb writer and researcher with an impeccable resume. She went to work for a major law firm after clerking for me. She called to tell me that she was pregnant, but had told the law firm that she had already hired a nanny and would be at work the day after the baby was born. The day after the baby was born, she called me from the hospital and said: “Judge, I’ve got a problem.” I said, “I know what it is. You don’t want to go back to work right away.” She agreed. I told her to call the law firm and ask for three months leave. She did and the leave was granted.

Two months later she called and said: “Judge, I have a problem”. I replied that I knew what it was. She wasn’t ready to go back to work full time. I told her to decide just how many hours she would like to work and ask the law firm to let her remain on a part-time basis. She worried that she wouldn’t make partner as soon as her contemporaries. My reply was to ask her if that was her purpose in life - to make partner as soon as her peers. She did call the law firm and the request was granted. However, three months later, the senior partner of the law firm called me and said: “Judge, what are you doing to my law firm? Three young male associates who had families said they had been observing my former clerk and like her wanted to spend more time with their families. They knew they wouldn’t make partner as soon but they decided their families were more important. I said to the senior partner that I thought it was wonderful that they were making this decision, especially considering that fact that the local bar association was spending close to $200,000 a year offering counseling to young associates who had drug and marital problems. The senior partner agreed and the environment of the entire law firm has changed. Thus, women lawyers have much to offer in improving the lawyers’ workplace.

Laws and practices need to be radically different from what we are accustomed to now in all aspect including parental leave times, flexibility in schedules, “interrupting” careers for raising children, perhaps employment type benefits for parents who are engaged in full time rasing of children (such as social security, health insurance and disability coverage). Society should act as if it seriously cared about child-rearing and should accept responsibility for these endeavors.

Carol Gilligan’s work in the book “A Different Voice” suggests that women invoke an “ethic of care”, and are concerned with preserving relationships and with the context of problems. Men, in contrast, invoke an “ethic of rights” on abstract notions of right and wrong and on objective rationality. This may be one reason why women have been playing such a role in alternative dispute resolution. The adversary system with its win-lose philosophy is, in the words of former Chief Justice Warren Burger, “too costly, too painful, too inefficient and too destructive for a truly civilized society. The movement is toward more appropriate forms of dispute resolution such as mediation where parties voluntarily and confidentially try to reach their own solutions with the help of an impartial neutral. Here the qualities of mental alertness, intuition, and the spiritual qualities of love and service, in which women are strong are gaining ascendency.

When I was meeting with the All China Women’s Federation in Beijing for the first time in l989 and discussing many of these issues, my husband (a retired Superior Court judge) asked for permission to speak. The women were delighted for men had never participated in their discussions. My husband stated that until women achieve full equality, men can never be the best of what they can be. After thunderous applause, the President of the Federation ran down the hall and returned with a gift of lacquered boxes for him. As we left, in gestures uncharacteristic for Chinese women, they patted him on the back as he went by and called out in Chinese, “model husband. model husband”.

As Professor Babcock wrote, the male-created and male centered model is under an unprecedented attack. Like her, I believe that the scene is set for revolutionary change-but not just for women but for all of mankind as well.

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Review

I occassionally save a blog post either so that it cannot be linked to a particular event or person, or because I'm not sure the thought is really complete. I also occassionally review previous posts. This post is both a review and something that I've held off posting for quite a while to see if the perspective is valid. I'm not sure it is completely my thoughts for TODAY, but I'm finally putting it out there anyways.

Could you be a great CFO without the work experiences? Maybe. Could you be a great spouse without the experiences that help you develop skills for being a successful partner? Maybe. But do you really think the person who has been at many short-term, low-responsibility jobs will adjust easily to the pressures, hours, and responsibilities of a C-Level position? Do you really think what we (of the West) seem to consider "ideal" for a young person today is really best preparing them for a married life?

from my blog (here)

I had a discussion with a friend last week about marriage, early marriage, divorce, and remarriage and I was trying to remember why it was I had written this. What values I had determined society was esteeming that were so detrimental.

The things I had listed in that blog as our societies underlying "ideals":
-having a sexually adventurous life (at least while young),
-becoming emotionally and financially independant, and
-getting great toys (material possessions such ascars, clothes, computers, and aesthetic or cosmetic "improvements" to oneself-- might be considered a part of this category)

All are still, in my brain at least, considerably influential in our society. Every bit of advertising and music video and even, to a degree, what we teach in schools seems to lean towards teaching us that at least one or two of these things are to be considered essential. Even the people our society sees as ethical and moral leaders (Oprah?) seem to buy into the superficiality that a "make-over" and a bit of self esteem through independence are all a person really needs to turn their life around. But what is interesting to me is that when I tried to recollect this blog posting I couldn't remember these ideals off the top of my head. Even when I read it it took a moment to recognize it, so now I'm not sure I fully agree with the way I said it just one year ago.

I think the difference is in me. In great part I've removed myself quite a bit from society and the media's "circle of influence" (great term I've been using since I read "7Habits of Highly Effective People" at age 16) over the past year. We no longer have cable television and I watch less television and listen to the radio less than in the past. I've become more involved with people and activities that are based on substance rather than just entertainment. And I've been making changes in my lifestyle and habits that are really positive, energizing and lead to more awareness and reflection. My change in diet has been a huge paradigm shift for me making things I once considered marginally healthy to be absolutely unhealthy and not worthy of being considered food.

All of this, ultimately effects not only the way I REACT to the world, but I think to the way I see it. And although I feel a little less involved in the "normal" trappings of the world, the way I see it is not critically, or remotely, but with more of a sense of love and compassion for society, even with its stumblings and shortcomings. I almost feel pity for it in much the same way as one might look upon a child, struggling to get their own way even when their choice of path or occupation the observer knows would bring them no joy, no love, no growth. I watch society crying out in its "I want, I want, I want!" tantrum, stomping its feet and insisting that THESE things will make it happy, when I know that what it really needs is a bit of loving guidance, a good long nap and a bit less sugar in its diet.

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Feminism/Morals/Values

Hey look, some people agree with me:

I was well-prepared for a career as a journalist, but I was sadly ill-prepared for a career as a strong, solid woman, with all the gifts and capacities that that word once implied. The character traits I should have been cultivating were neglected in favor of ever-stronger intellectual skills, and as a result I've spent the past few years playing catch-up.

While there is value in higher education, it doesn't teach the most important life tools—how to be a nurturing, kind, patient individual. It doesn't teach you how to be a mensch when you're sleep deprived or running a fever. It doesn't teach you how to be loving or lovable. These days, my ambitions are to acquire and internalize these qualities, and to strengthen myself as a woman, internally—not vis-a-vis what I look like through the eyes of a man, or how "successful" I am by society's standards. And the more I cultivate these inner qualities, the deeper and richer my life and my relationships become.

In addition to my ambitions as journalist, I had spent years striving for the perfect body, the perfect clothes, the perfect apartment—in short, all the external trappings of what I thought would make me look and feel good about myself. Needless to say, none of it ever worked for long.
~Andrea Kahn

Kind of hits on what I was discussing a few posts ago about how society today is ill-prepared for creating meaningful marriages and families. Our core attributes are sadly malnourished and the values that are most prized in society--ambition, independence, and a keen fashion sense ;) do little to prepare you for life as a spouse and parent.

I also on the same website I read an article by someone who agrees with my long-held interpretation of "Grease":

As readers here probably know, the story of Grease is about a girl and boy who meet one romantic summer and believe that they have fallen in love. The girl arrives unexpectedly as a student in the boy's school in September, and they are both shocked. She is taken aback by his cold and crass behavior, and he by the realization that he would lose his friends and his macho identity if he dates her as he had that summer, showing her love and respect without approaching her sexually. The tension in the film grows out of the inevitable choices that must be made: either the boy will have to give up his entire social community or she must--to put it bluntly--have sex with him. We all know what happens.

Now I never read it so literally as "she had to have sex with him", but I did read it as--she had to abandon herself, and all of her ideals and moral ways (Sandy went from being "lousy with virginity" to a smoking, drinking, high heeled, leather clad dominatrix of sorts) in order to fit in with HIS society, and THEN she could choose her keeper and "tell" him what to do ("you'd better shape up...because I need a man").

I still cringe every time I flip past that movie on TV and wonder how so many women could love it so much.

Outside of the catchy tunes it's a blatant smack in the face of feminism. It disguises the objectification of women as sexual liberation. Sure, Sandy is free to do what she wants and be with who she wants, but she'll only really be happy if she abandons her moral ways to "become" exactly what a man wants.

It's the sexual freedom of choice women have waited so long for--so long as that choice isn't virginity.

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Marriage/Commitment/American Dream/Chastity

Why has the status of marriage sunk so low that we believe we can get by with on-the-job training rather than years of disciplined study and growth?

A friend of mine was talking to me recently when she said this:

"So anyways monogamous bliss isn't so blissful all the time"....."in fact it lacks a little spice".

So today I was on a Myspace group page with a bunch of Baha'is talking about chastity and I came across some interesting views and a cool analogy that reminded me of her words

Here are some excerpts from the discussion:

[sex has] become totally MATERIAL. People are viewing the material in a significant other before anything else, thus they idolize it....sex becomes another activity, a material activity like any other - one to explore and take lighter than these standards [the standards of chastity and upright behavior set by religion].

It's like food. If you visit cultures where they eat the same thing everyday, they are not discontent with that at all. They never say, "oh I wish I had a different food". Of course not, because they don't know of different food, they are comfortable with what they have. Likewise if you try to get them to eat something totally foreign, they would be compelled to eat what their diet is used to. However, if you or I were asked to eat the same thing every day, we couldn't take it. Why? Because we are so used to having something new all the time.

I don't know if it's just having something NEW, we're used to having sweet, and savory, and spicy. We try it all, and we can't imagine life without dessert. If and when there aren't limits (such as weight gain, cost, and societal norms) governing us we tend to overindulge and gorge ourselves on these things. (I know I would live on chocolate, cheesecake, dr.pepper, and fatty cheeses and sugary desserts forever if I could). But take a poor child in Africa and ask them the last time they "ordered" dessert, or gorged themselves on cheeses or chocolates. Perhaps it is not their CHOICE whether or not to eat these indulgent foods, but in their world they do not yearn for them either, or miss them the way I would if they were taken from me.

How different are the pleasures of "the flesh" from the pleasures, desires, and cravings of palette? Do our actions create our cravings?

It is the same is with our "romantic relationships" in the West. We are surrounded with it in this society. Not just in practice, but in how there is just an exaggerated emphasis put on it in society. It is very very very VERY difficult then, to go from having all of that [liberty, variety and sexual freedoms], to going to a stable monogamous relationship. People get discontent so fast with another, and no longer wish to stay in [the relationship], then go off and find something else.

There were days in this country where the focus from the beginning of a young person's life was to find a good partner and then marry them. That was the dream. What was the classic tale of the 50's? Marry your high school sweetheart.

Today it seems that dream has been contorted into something where most people believe it is normal, expected, and ideal to:
-have a sexually adventurous life while young and "free",
-become emotionally and financially independant, and
-get some great toys,
and then you will settle down and have kids when you find someone who complements you (sexually, financially, and socially).

If this truly is to end up in marriage and child rearing, this is not only an improbable dream, it is set up for failure, as the things one would need for the end result are not taught through the practices at the beginning and indeed, the opposite values and needs and desires would be nurtured and grown.

Would you expect to become a CFO by
-taking many short term jobs,
-dating a lot of people and
-shopping yourself into debt?

No... why not? Because in order to become a CFO you must not only prove yourself to the people that will hire you, but you must spend years to develop your skills. Those skills being nurtured by
-long-term employment and responsibility,
-relationship building and management skills, and
-financial planning skills.

THIS is why CFOs are more likely to have had longer term employment, be married or in a stable relationship, and be personally financially sound. Not because they became a CFO and then found these things, but because they became the sort of person that would have the qualities necessary for being a successful CFO and eventually became one.

So why would one think that

-having a sexually adventurous life,
-becoming emotionally and financially independant, and
-getting great toys

would prepare them to be a suitable spouse... Where

-monogamy,
-shared finances and an emotionally co-depentant relationship, and
-a bit of sacrafice and restraint in your buying in order to save for children and future expenses

is going to be important.

Could you be a great CFO without the work experiences? Maybe. Could you be a great spouse without the experiences that help you develop skills for being a successful partner? Maybe. But do you really think the person who has been at many short-term, low-responsibility jobs will adjust easily to the pressures, hours, and responsibilities of a C-Level position? Do you really think what we (of the West) seem to consider "ideal" for a young person today is really best preparing them for a married life?

Why has marriage been alloted to the type of low-status ideal that has on-the-job training? Might lack of training, be why it also has 50% turnover rate?

Why do Americans spend millions of dollars reading self-help books to find out how to "make things work" and develop better timesaving, business, organizing, and managing skills and so little time or energy becoming more loving, more nurturing, more kind, more giving...becoming the kind of person who is READY for a loving relationship and that can raise intelligent, thoughtful, creative, and loving children?

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New Book

I'm reading a new book that I got through Bzzagent called "The Power of Nice: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness" It's a new book, not actually being released until September 19th, but I was sent an advance copy.

I'm really enjoying this book and it is suprising how motivating I'm finding it. It has interesting statistics that are making me re-evaluate some of my relationships with customers and other employees. It's packed with stories, anecdotes and statistics illustrating all the points they're going over.

So the thing that made me jump up from my reading and want to blog was this:

"When therapist Ona Robinson begins working with couples, she often starts with a homework assignment: Name three reasons why cannibalism is good. She gets a lot of hilarious responses--"excellent source of protein," "not too much fat," "reduces world population," "all-natural ingredients".

The point of the exercise is not to defend cannibalism but to help people develop the habit of assuming goodwill. When you approach others with the assumption that they will have generous intentions, you'll find that your life becomes a much easier ride."

Not only hilarious, but an excellent exercise. You're training yourself to interpret the speaker's view as positive.

In "Blink" (which I had a full 3 posts on so you should know all about it by now) Malcolm Gladwell brought up the idea of "Negative Sentiment Override". It was the only thing that I immediately stopped reading and wrote down a note for. It is the reaction we have when someone says something that we automatically hear as a negative--whether it's your mom asking if you've found a job yet, or someone mentioning your wardrobe, it is the internal override that tells you their intent was negative...even when the statement is neutral. (Yes, I have this with most things my mother says to me)

So I'm thinking that this cannibalism thing is touching on some great "POSITIVE Sentiment Override" exercises. Let's begin:

Name three reasons why being late is good
-Never have too help set up
-Avoid the wasted time spent trying not to be too early
-Absence makes the heart grow stronger

Name three reasons why George W is a good president:
-Increasing national economy with Bushism dictionaries and paraphernalia
-Helping even Conservatives to start rooting for the environment
-Making the US less attractive to Immigrants

Name three reasons why being fatter is better
-It's like lifting weights all day long
-Fat helps "fill in" all those wrinkles
-Less likely to be eaten by health-conscious cannibals

Have any others you'd like to add?

No, but seriously, I'm a big believer in conscious behavior modification, and I think practicing hearing an "assumption of good" is a good start in the right direction (see last post for more on direction :) )

Thoughts on "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell

I listened to the audiotape of "Blink" this week at work, as read by the author. It was a fascinating book and brought up a lot of novel ideas. It did have the feeling of an academic piece and, as such, I got to about half-way through the book and began wondering why Gladwell was still defending his main point and negating counter-arguments when I was already convinced. Additionally the presentation of information did little to offer any sort of practical application. But then maybe I've just read too many self help books and watched too many American "happy ending" movies and believe things should have a point AND a purpose.

But I did come away from "Blink" with some theories of my own and ideas of how the concepts presented can be combined with others to become "useful"

First let me review some of the things I found most interesting in "Blink"--the basic idea of the book is that rapid cognition, or the quick, unconscious thinking that goes on in the first second we see, hear, or think about something is far more important than we realize and is often more important than the long, drawn out thought process. He points to many examples of how this process works and how it can have positive or negative effects.

I found a couple of the psychological studies he referenced as particularly interesting. The first was one in which people were asked to categorize things by looking at words. For instance words like: Jane, Tom, Jerry, Amy, JoAnne were to be put into the two categories for Man and Woman. Then categories were combined, having Woman or Family as one category and Man or Career as another and participants were asked to put a series of words into the proper categories. The pairings were then switched and the test repeated. Their answers were timed down to a fraction of a second, and it was found (unsurprisingly to me at least) that people had an easier and quicker time putting Man & Career and Woman & Family together than when Man&Family and Woman&Career were paired. This study showed a bias towards males and careers and towards women & families.

This test could be repeated with many pairings and it was; in the tests that paired African American, White, Good, and Bad it was found that almost all the people tested of many racial backgrounds had a bias towards white/good, black/bad. These tests could be repeated over and over again and even when trying to purposefully bias the test towards the opposite, one would get the same results over and over again. The author said he knew several people who would take it everyday and only ONCE had he heard of someone changing their results; the student said the only thing he could think of that could have made his results change was that he had spent the morning watching Olympic track & field events (where generally the bias is towards blacks doing better).

This brings me to the second set of studies I found interesting: Priming.... more later

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Cognitive Dissonance Part II

Cognitive Dissonance...the more, now that it's later:

I've been thinking over this theory because it not only makes so much sense to me, but it explains certain things that I think about a lot.

To begin with, I feel I need to explain a bit about what I think, and how I think...

I've always been able to do exceptionally well on aptitude and intelligence tests, to cram for exams and to know and remember a multitude of facts that most people would forget completely, but am often at a loss to remember what I ate for lunch or the names of good friends when trying to recall them. Information and trivia get stuck in my mind while things that I cannot categorize do not. I am in no way trying to assert my intellectual superiority over anyone here, I've actually always felt that this has just been "given" to me, and I've never had to work at it and have felt really weird about that. I never thought it was fair that I could remember things and perform well in things so easily while other people were truly working HARD and diligently and following the rules, as I slacked and accomplished the same results. Even though I was on the easier side of the equation, it always made me feel bad for not working harder.

But this is where the "HOW" of my thinking comes into play, and also where Cognitive Dissonance has a role in that play.

I've believed for quite some time now that the reason I do better than others in a large number of things does not have anything to do with how HARD I work, but rather with my ability to creatively solve problems so that the work is not as hard. I used to say that I learned all the paths in my college campus by which had the fewest stairs, which had the shortest path, where all the pop machines and bathrooms were and which had the most time spent indoors as a means of being "lazy"....Hold on, hold on, we're not to the Cognitive Dissonance part yet...My point is that I analyzed all the options to find the option that provided the best or most enjoyable experience. If it was cold out, I spent more time indoors, if I was carrying a project I avoided stairs, and so on.

I've said it before: I analyze everything. I just do. I don't know why. If it's part of my life, I analyze it. Whether it's the best papertowel for the money, or what career I should choose, I've analyzed it. And in doing so, I believe I've come up with better answers. Maybe not better for others, but better for me. This analysis extends to include my beliefs. What I believe and how that relates to what I DO is part of my "regular maintenance" thinking-->Hence all the previous "ranting" posts on feminism, vegetarianism and my religion.

So the ideas and theories behind cognitive dissonance hold that we try to come up with new encompassing theories or beliefs when we hold two opposing beliefs to be true at the same time and are unable to hold them without some internal conflict or some resolution. It seems to me as if everything I have come to believe has come about through this struggle, and the balancing acts and resolutions that ensue.

I believe that this process has been part of what has built the creative problem solving skills that allows me to acquire knowledge and education so much more easily and efficiently than other people do. I think the average person finds a straight path in their mind between a starting point and the destination point and my mind instead balances out all the information surrounding each point and determines the best, or most interesting, or most efficient, or most inclusive path of all of them in order to reach the destination point. I think this ability to connect sometimes seemingly unrelated things allows me to creatively solve problems better than the next guy and remember details that otherwise are lost in most people's minds.

I've read that the synapses (sp?)in our mind act as the points along the path that allows a thought to be processed and that as we age the paths that are unused are (and I'm using a bit of poetic license here) "overgrown" and lost. I've also read that older people who do puzzles, riddles, and games help keep their minds active and creatively thinking are less likely to experience dementia and some of the effects of memory loss. These games and puzzles are the sort of activity that a creative problem solver enjoys as the key is usually thinking in a "different or unexpected" way to come up with a non-obvious solution. Those with less ability and desire to think creatively would likely enjoy less and be less able to solve puzzles and games. It makes me think that those who question and analyze their lives and go through the struggles of cognitive dissonance are more likely to develop stronger, more adept and agile minds.

It's interesting to me that the people who don't struggle, who are accepting and unquestioningly resolute in their beliefs are in some way KEEPING themselves from expanding their minds from being able to see other side/situation/solutions. And yet, for the most part, they probably consider themselves happier than the Questioner.

So today I am thankful for my struggles and my doubts, for my questions and my self-evaluation, because with their help I'll probably be able to be out-and-about while others are trying to remember where they left their dentures.

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Time moves on....quickly

I was link surfing today and came across in this blog:

You ever get the feeling that someone just doesn’t want to be your friend anymore? Not in any antagonistic way; just in the “I’m moving on and you don’t fit into my life anymore” kind of way?

I was thinking about that, and about an email I haven't answered yet and wondering if I am The Someone...not the blog posters per se, but The Someone who moves on and leaves others without notice or goodbye. There have been a lot of friends in my life that I've wondered what happened to them and when I found out I was content. I did not want to go back and re-connect or re-establish or re-new. I just wanted to know they were well and where they were.

The email I haven't answered yet is from someone I knew 10 years ago, and although I was really excited to hear from them, once I replied and received a second email I found I had little to say in response. I don't know who I was 10 years ago, or what the dynamics of our friendship were, so I feel like even though I still care for the person as a friend, I do not have any connection to them in my current life. The girl I was then is not the woman I am now, and I care for that girl I was the same way I care for all of her friends...from a bit of a distance. And although I believe that any friendships or connections I had in the past could still be there, I don't know that it is worth the effort or time involved.

How do people maintain not just the love and caring, but the actual relationship with old friends?

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