What a difference a day makes...

Last Tuesday. January 26th. Not a holiday, not an anniversary, not a particularly important day in any way. And yet... January 26th was a wonderful day for me. A turning point. The kind of day that inspires multiple short and incomplete sentences to flow forth from my pen (keyboard). I'm happy I had January 26th.

The day was a wonderful balance of good and bad luck and a constant stream of activity.

I don't know if I've spoken of my car problems here but they have been plentiful of late. A month or so ago I spent over $700 in one day when my car died and I found out I needed an electrical diagnostic, a new battery, new front brake pads & rotors, and a section of my exhaust replaced just to be able to continue driving. But what hurt me even more was knowing the repairs yet to come. You see in the state of Illinois you must pass an emissions check every two years to be able to get your license plates renewed. And if your Check Engine light is on you can not even begin the emissions check. And two years ago my Check Engine light was on because of a faulty O2 sensor (that I had paid $140 to diagnose and $430 to repair and had broken again after 40 miles), but I managed to go for my emissions check on a day the sensor was working and the Check Engine light was not lit. Then, seven months later the light had come on again along with another indicator light while I was on my way to my grandmother's funeral. I took it to another dealership in Ohio whom ran the diagnostic for just $45 and told me that it was the O2 sensor and a Transmission Position Sensor but that it should still be safe to continue driving it.

So long story short my engine light has been on and I knew that with my plates expiring January 31st I had to either pay for the $145 diagnostic and hope the light stayed off long enough for me to get to the e-check, or actually have the (likely incredibly expensive) repairs done. I was loathe to do this, especially since the car has a handful of other problems (hood latch broken~ $245, headlight and license plate lights out ~$50-90, antennae broken off ~$200, dash lights burnt out $???, and then, Christmas day, the driver's door lock broke ~$???OUCH)

So with all these problems I was seriously considering just selling my car, hoping to get $2000 for it and then buying a used Honda at around $4000. Of course this would be seriously dipping into my savings and since the pay cut at work at Thanksgiving and with me looking for a new job, it's not the best time to be savings-free. But I felt cornered.

Then... Monday night, for the first time in 8 months, I started my car and the check engine light did NOT come on!

Miracle!

So Tuesday morning I got ready to go to the emissions check. There was a large pile of items for charity that had been lingering in my living room for a few weeks and since I knew my favorite Salvation Army was near the testing site I loaded up my trunk. I got in my car and was happy to see the indicator still did not light up. I went and passed my echeck. I drove over and dropped things off at the Salvation Army, then stopped inside and picked up a dark brown jacket to match my new dress slacks (see previous shopping post). Then I stopped at a bagel spot for lunch.

While munching on my tasty 7 Cheese bagel I suddenly felt a CRUNCH as if biting into something hard. I chewed the rest of the bite slowly, trying to figure out what it was but did not find anything. Then I felt the roughness on one cheek, and sure enough, as my tongue went to explore I found a large pointy area where part of one tooth had been. I went to the bathroom and saw that a quarter or more of one of my molars had broken off. As I touched the tooth I felt pain and knew I was going to have to get it fixed. I called my co-worker and asked for the number of his dentist boyfriend. Thankfully the dentist said they would squeeze me in at 5:30. I rushed home, changed clothes and headed to my next appointment.

At 2:40 I arrived at the Bronzeville Lighthouse Charter School, where I will be reading buddies with two children each Tuesday this semester through a program through Open Books Literacy Program.

I arrived early for my dental appointment and knit for a while in my car and then went and had a Jimmy John's Sub and asked where the nearest Currency Exchange was.

At 5:30 I had my dental appointment, had my tooth fixed up and departed at 6:00 with a fixed mouth and $105 less money.

I drove a mile down the road to the nearest Currency Exchange and at 6:20 I purchased new registration for my car for $104.50

At 6:45 I arrived for my knitting group at Ipsento Cafe and for two hours or so enjoyed myself as I chatted and caught up with my knitting friends and newly pregnant doppelganger Sarah.

At 9:00 I went to Pint to hang with all of my favorite musician friends at their weekly Open Mic Night, helping Morgan celebrate his one year anniversary of hosting. I hung out chatting after with some of the musicians.

At 2:00AM I arrived home, feeling overjoyed at the productivity and fun of my day.

I have not had a day so wonderfully fulfilling and productive in ages. I have been feeling anti-social and overwhelmed. This day honestly did more to fill me with hope than a handful of peptalks or affirmations from every person I know could ever have. I now feel as if I CAN get things done, and will take care of more things that have been weighing me down.

Inertia. It's stronger than I ever imagined. May its force be with you.

An Award!

I thought my brother would be so proud...

My Baby Yoda hat got honorable mention in a line up of the Best Star Wars inspired Knit Hats on Fandomania.com here.

An amazing Tribute

I just got the following email, forwarded to me from my mother:

Since coming to Maine, Allen and I have learned so much about the housing shortage here. There is a huge need for low income/affordable housing here. I calculated this morning that we have provided low income housing for at least 24 families (not including our own) and one small business, here in Maine. Allen has been researching the market and continues to work diligently in this field. We recently have been given the opportunity to to start a non profit organization for low income housing and we've decided to start it in honor of Dave. Had it not been for Dave's undying patience with me in teaching me how to fix all the little things and big things that we've come across, not to mention his constant telephone support, and love and encouragement that I could do anything, we probably would never have gotten into the real estate arena. We are also so grateful to the two of you for your part in our union as husband and wife.

We are planning on naming this non profit "David Neil Brown Housing". We are in contract already to purchase 75 acres of land in Hallowell Maine. The town of Hallowell is thrilled that we are doing this and is offering 100% financing for the new construction, because it seems, that they have just written a new plan for their town and it included the need to focus on affordable housing.

...

Best wishes and all our love to you,
Connie (and Allen)

Way to make me bawl at work!

I'm so touched and amazed. What an awesome tribute to my Dad!

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Sears Tower

Sears Tower 1
Originally uploaded by iamsalad.

I saw this on my way to the library, and somehow loved all the beautiful angles and the glow of the late afternoon sun.

Every now and then I remember the things I love about the urban landscape/cityscape and am really thankful to live in Chicago...Then I go sit in nasty weather and 2 hours of traffic and wonder why I do this to myself.

I've been re-re-reconsidering (as in I consider it for a month or more every year) the possibility of going back to school and all the implications it would have on where I would have to live. Maybe a change of scene would be good for me, but is it really worth the risk?

Jon's Wedding

Was spectacular... and it was wonderful to see so many old friends....and their children.

There were 3 children there (Michelle & Hooman's, Jessica Rezin's, and Mercy's) that were all within 3 months of the same age, and all of them of interracial background they were all beautiful children. I played more with them than with their parents I think. I also played with Renee's daughter and Rebecca's son (who were within a year or so of the other children's ages.) It was SO much fun. I forgot how much I love children. When do I get mine?

It was also great to bring out old photos and have everyone go through them, laughing, talking, remembering, and updating everyone else on people's whereabouts. My dad sent me home with a scanner, so as soon as I get a new monitor (mine died on Thursday last) I will be spending all my freetime scanning old photos and uploading them to Flickr. I have negatives on a lot of them and I'm thinking of checking out costs and sending in the negatives to have CDs made.

Nostalgia is so much more satisfying in person.

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Cognitive Dissonance Part II

Cognitive Dissonance...the more, now that it's later:

I've been thinking over this theory because it not only makes so much sense to me, but it explains certain things that I think about a lot.

To begin with, I feel I need to explain a bit about what I think, and how I think...

I've always been able to do exceptionally well on aptitude and intelligence tests, to cram for exams and to know and remember a multitude of facts that most people would forget completely, but am often at a loss to remember what I ate for lunch or the names of good friends when trying to recall them. Information and trivia get stuck in my mind while things that I cannot categorize do not. I am in no way trying to assert my intellectual superiority over anyone here, I've actually always felt that this has just been "given" to me, and I've never had to work at it and have felt really weird about that. I never thought it was fair that I could remember things and perform well in things so easily while other people were truly working HARD and diligently and following the rules, as I slacked and accomplished the same results. Even though I was on the easier side of the equation, it always made me feel bad for not working harder.

But this is where the "HOW" of my thinking comes into play, and also where Cognitive Dissonance has a role in that play.

I've believed for quite some time now that the reason I do better than others in a large number of things does not have anything to do with how HARD I work, but rather with my ability to creatively solve problems so that the work is not as hard. I used to say that I learned all the paths in my college campus by which had the fewest stairs, which had the shortest path, where all the pop machines and bathrooms were and which had the most time spent indoors as a means of being "lazy"....Hold on, hold on, we're not to the Cognitive Dissonance part yet...My point is that I analyzed all the options to find the option that provided the best or most enjoyable experience. If it was cold out, I spent more time indoors, if I was carrying a project I avoided stairs, and so on.

I've said it before: I analyze everything. I just do. I don't know why. If it's part of my life, I analyze it. Whether it's the best papertowel for the money, or what career I should choose, I've analyzed it. And in doing so, I believe I've come up with better answers. Maybe not better for others, but better for me. This analysis extends to include my beliefs. What I believe and how that relates to what I DO is part of my "regular maintenance" thinking-->Hence all the previous "ranting" posts on feminism, vegetarianism and my religion.

So the ideas and theories behind cognitive dissonance hold that we try to come up with new encompassing theories or beliefs when we hold two opposing beliefs to be true at the same time and are unable to hold them without some internal conflict or some resolution. It seems to me as if everything I have come to believe has come about through this struggle, and the balancing acts and resolutions that ensue.

I believe that this process has been part of what has built the creative problem solving skills that allows me to acquire knowledge and education so much more easily and efficiently than other people do. I think the average person finds a straight path in their mind between a starting point and the destination point and my mind instead balances out all the information surrounding each point and determines the best, or most interesting, or most efficient, or most inclusive path of all of them in order to reach the destination point. I think this ability to connect sometimes seemingly unrelated things allows me to creatively solve problems better than the next guy and remember details that otherwise are lost in most people's minds.

I've read that the synapses (sp?)in our mind act as the points along the path that allows a thought to be processed and that as we age the paths that are unused are (and I'm using a bit of poetic license here) "overgrown" and lost. I've also read that older people who do puzzles, riddles, and games help keep their minds active and creatively thinking are less likely to experience dementia and some of the effects of memory loss. These games and puzzles are the sort of activity that a creative problem solver enjoys as the key is usually thinking in a "different or unexpected" way to come up with a non-obvious solution. Those with less ability and desire to think creatively would likely enjoy less and be less able to solve puzzles and games. It makes me think that those who question and analyze their lives and go through the struggles of cognitive dissonance are more likely to develop stronger, more adept and agile minds.

It's interesting to me that the people who don't struggle, who are accepting and unquestioningly resolute in their beliefs are in some way KEEPING themselves from expanding their minds from being able to see other side/situation/solutions. And yet, for the most part, they probably consider themselves happier than the Questioner.

So today I am thankful for my struggles and my doubts, for my questions and my self-evaluation, because with their help I'll probably be able to be out-and-about while others are trying to remember where they left their dentures.

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Persecution of Baha'is

Yesterday I read Elizabeth's blog, and she linked to an article about privilege, asking people to be more aware and comment on the privileges they receive for being who they are/where they are/when they are:

I am privileged to live in a time and place where practicing my religion is not a cause for fear of prosecution or severe prejudice by my government, my friends, or society as a whole.

Unfortunately, even today this is not true in all parts of the world...

54 BAHA'IS ARRESTED IN IRAN

NEW YORK, 24 May 2006 (BWNS) -- Iranian officials have arrested 54 Baha'is
in the city of Shiraz, the Baha'i International Community has learned. They
are mostly youth and were all engaged in humanitarian service when they were
arrested. It is one of the largest number of Baha'is taken at once since
the 1980s. The specific charges are not clear, though in the past, Baha'is
have been arrested summarily on false charges.

The arrests occurred on Friday, 19 May, while the Baha'is, along with
several other volunteers who were not Baha'is, were teaching classes to
underprivileged children in a school as part of a UNICEF community service
activity conducted by a local non-governmental organization. At the time of
the arrests, they had in their possession a letter of permission from the
Islamic Council of Shiraz. They also carried the letter of permission in
each of their classes.

The nature of the charges against the Baha'is is unknown at this time. The
day following the arrests, a judge told family members that the detainees
would be freed soon. As of today, it appears that all of the non-Baha'is and
one Baha'i junior youth have been released without having to post bail.

The arrests coincided with raids on six Baha'i homes during which notebooks,
computers, books, and other documents were confiscated. In the last 14
months, 72 Baha'is across Iran have been arrested and held for up to several
weeks.

"These new arrests in Shiraz, coming after more than a year of 'revolving
door' detentions, bring the total number of Baha'is who have been arrested
without cause to more than 125 since the beginning of 2005," said Bani
Dugal, principal representative of the Baha'i International Community to the
United Nations.

"Taken all together, this pattern of arbitrary arrests and detentions amount
to the purest form of religious persecution and reflect nothing less than a
calculated effort by the Iranian government to keep the Baha'i community
utterly off balance and in a state of terror,"
Ms. Dugal said.

The arrests come against a backdrop of increasing concern by international
human rights monitors that the Iranian Government is escalating its
25-year-long campaign of persecution against the 300,000-member Baha'i
community of Iran, the largest religious minority in that country.

In March, the UN Special Rapporteur of the Commission on Human Rights on
freedom of religion or belief released news of a secret 29 October 2005
letter from the Iranian military high command ordering police and
Revolutionary Guard units to "identify" and "monitor" members of the Baha'i
community of Iran, saying the existence of such a letter made her "highly
concerned."

Moreover, since late 2005, more than 30 mostly negative and often defamatory
articles about the Baha'is and their religion have appeared in "Kayhan," the
official Tehran daily newspaper. Radio and television broadcasts have
likewise increasingly condemned the Baha'is and their beliefs.

Since January, in addition to the 54 arrested in Shiraz last Friday, seven
Baha'is have been arrested and held for periods of up to one month in
Kermanshah, Isfahan, and Tehran.

Among those arrested in January was Mrs. Roya Habibi of Kermanshah, who has
reported that she was interrogated for eight hours, with questions focused
on her role as coordinator of a program to provide religious instruction in
the Baha'i Faith.

In the court document that sets out the charges against her, Mrs. Habibi,
who is currently out on bail, "is charged with teaching the Bahaism sect and
acting in an insulting manner towards all that is holy in Islam."

"While it is often difficult to get details on the charges against Baha'is,
there is no doubt that most of them -- like the case against Mrs. Habibi --
are motivated purely by religious intolerance and prejudice," said Ms.
Dugal.

Last year, some 65 Baha'is were arrested and held for periods of time
ranging from a few days to more than a month.

While most were held less than a week, others were jailed for up to three
months. Some of the prisoners last year were held incommunicado, in unknown
locations, while their families desperately searched for them. Last year
also, government agents conducted prolonged searches of many of their homes,
confiscating documents, books, computers, copiers and other belongings.

In the 1980s, some 200 Baha'is were killed or executed. Thousands were
arrested and hundreds were imprisoned, many for long periods. In recent
years, in the face of international monitoring, the executions and long-term
imprisonments have stopped.

For more information go to: http://www.bahai.org/persecution/iran