Mixed Salad of Thoughts

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Who me?

Not myself: That's how I've been feeling. I occasionally hear myself say things and think that I've answered out of habit...as if I were playing the role of myself without actually being myself.

Sometimes I feel I know myself pretty well, it's just I'm not always sure what to do with that info. But I've been feeling recently that "knowing" myself and "being" myself are almost contradictory--that as soon as I find a way to voice who I am I either stop wanting to be that or I feel disingenuous in being that. As if saying I'm X makes me, in social situations think I'm supposed to be X and then feel weird about being X simply because I thought I was supposed to fit the X mold.

Perhaps I should just choose some X's I would like to be and, regardless of whether I currently excel at them, should just choose to believe that I AM them. Like "I am humble, loving, generous and kind." ...and GO!

Side note: I wrote this blog in October but never posted it, and now, having recently read a post on Angelaboration where she was talking about being more herself than she's ever been I read it again and felt like posting. (Some 2.5 months later)

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